I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
