i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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