the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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