I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
