So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
