If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
