She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
