so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
