Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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