I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Randomize
