my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
