everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
