mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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