dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
