Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize