just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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