Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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