I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
