Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
