I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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