Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
