i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
