So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
