Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
