so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
did i walk over a car last night?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize