I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
