i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
