Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
