Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
