all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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