I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
