I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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