I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
