btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize