I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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