He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize