this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
