Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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