got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
