My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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