I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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