Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
In America we eat man semen.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
