I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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