Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Someone shit on the floor
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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