Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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