that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
