We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
