I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
