Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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