its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
