You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
