when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
