I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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