once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
