think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
