$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
