if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
