Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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