I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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