I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
