Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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