Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize