i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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