weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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