I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
