So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
