yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
