So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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