oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
