one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
