Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize