is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
